The Woman You Want
Just as no woman wants a man who isn’t in control of his life, you don’t need a woman whose life is a disaster. If she has bad habits, addictions, or a history of decisions that turn out to make her life worse, pass her by.
You might like to feel needed, but you don’t need to be necessary for her survival in the everyday world. If she isn’t capable of taking care of herself, you don’t need to rescue her.
Be nice to her, but don’t think you can cure her of an addiction or teach her how to handle her personal life better. That’s what counselors are for. Trying to take on that role in a romantic relationship just won’t work.
A woman you want to date will be healthy physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. That means that she should be able to take care of herself and she won’t be desperate for a man to come bail her out.
A healthy woman won’t use you for security, because she already has her own. She’ll still want to be with you, but because she likes you, not just what you can do for her. And she won’t drop you because someone “better” comes along – she’ll like you for yourself. She’ll be much less likely to be clingy and jealous as well.
If you’re attracted to a woman who just doesn’t have her life together, you need to date someone else. Later, when she decides on her own to straighten out her life, you might date her.
But until then, don’t even try it. Remember, you want your relationships to be happy. If she can’t be happy because her life is a mess, you can’t make her happy and you can’t be happy with her.
You can’t just come in and fix everything for her – that’s her job as an adult. Taking over that job will make her angry with you, no matter how much better your solutions are. Also, constantly having to rescue a woman gets old really quick, so don’t pick that relationship in the first place and you have a better chance of staying together.
Hold out for a woman who has her life together. If she is healthy physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially, you’ll be able to tell. She’ll be happy, calm, and self-aware. She won’t have to escape reality with drugs or alcohol, or dull the pain in her life with self-destructive behavior.
She won’t make excuses for dumb decisions and insist that she has no choice but to be a victim. She won’t have drama cluttering up her life – which means that she’ll have room for a healthy, happy relationship with you.